


Aging (Dis)gracefully

by heroe



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4956589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroe/pseuds/heroe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day Yamanaka Ino discovered her first wrinkle would go down in infamy for Konohagakure and its residents. COMPLETE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aging (Dis)gracefully

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Naruto is (c) Masashi Kishimoto and Shueisha, Inc.

The day Yamanaka Ino discovered her first wrinkle would go down in infamy for Konohagakure and its residents.

It was no secret that the telepath took considerable pride in her appearance. With fair skin, long golden-spun hair, riveting azure eyes, and a heart-shaped face that was in perfect proportion, she was so aesthetically pleasing that not even her contrary otto could find fault. She was a renowned beauty of the five great shinobi nations, and reputed to have no shame in using these striking looks to achieve her own ends. Thus, the manifestation of a perceived flaw was enough to send her reeling.

Like most females when confronted with a similar situation, Ino sought out her best friend – Uchiha Sakura. Many would argue that the broadly popular medical-nin, with her equally fair complexion, roseate tresses and emerald orbs, was just as lovely as Ino. _But, be forewarned, this was not the day for such comparisons._

Unlike most females when confronted with a similar situation, Ino did not seek Sakura's company to be mollified. Instead, upon locating the other kunoichi conversing with her childhood teammates near Ramen Ichiraku, the blonde bombshell stormed forward and gave her… _perhaps frenemy would be a better word_ … an accusatory poke to the forehead.

"Pig!" Sakura screeched at the unexpected assault.

Ino poked her a second time for good measure.

Taking a defensive step back, Sakura agitatedly rubbed the violet rhombus she had inherited from the teachings of her master. "What in the hell is your problem, Ino-pig?!"

"Drop it," Ino loudly ordered. "I know you're using a permanent version of the transformation technique, like Tsunade-shishou! _Ugh!_ You and that sickeningly precise chakra control! There's no way you don't have a single wrinkle while I-"

Ino stopped mid-sentence, realizing what she had been about to disclose to their swiftly growing audience. She had already said too much, however, and Sakura did not attempt to contain the gleeful smirk elicited from her embarrassing slip-up.

"Finally noticed the emergence of those crow feet, eh, obaa-chan?"

"Billboard brow!"

"I hate to disappoint," Sakura persisted without sounding as if she hated it in the least, "but I'm not using the transformation technique. My lack of age lines is _au naturel_ , which is probably due to superior genes."

Ino literally growled at the suggestion that Sakura was in any way superior to herself. Then, before anyone could assimilate what was happening, the infuriated mentalist pounced. She and her target crashed to the dirt in a tangled heap, shinobi tactics completely disregarded as the pair reverted to juvenile hair-pulling, pinching and scratching in substitute.

"Let's see how pretty you are once I'm finished," Ino threatened.

"I could have three eyes, fish lips, be covered in warts and _still_ be prettier than you," Sakura fearlessly taunted.

" _Arrrrgh!_ "

As the two women continued to scuffle, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Sai kept their distance while watching the spectacle. They were at a loss as to how to proceed. Ino and Sakura's disputes were frequent and oftentimes ear-splitting, but they had never actually been volatile. Also, though the three men would not admit it aloud, the prospect of getting between the fighting banshees was quite intimidating.

"Did Sakura-chan just _bite_ Ino?" Naruto asked in shock as the mêlée took a more aggressive turn.

Sai, who had decided to retrieve his art supplies and commemorate the occasion with a sketch, responded with an indifferent shrug. "To be fair, I think Ino bit her first."

The gathering crowd was now four or five people deep. Currency was exchanging hands as wagers were being made on the outcome. Hoots and hollers could be heard from all fronts, encouraging Ino and Sakura's antics. The scene was bedlam.

Sasuke was, at last, compelled to pose the question in which they had all hoped to avoid. "Shouldn't we intervene?"

"No way," Naruto protested, starting to get into the spirit of things. He eagerly withdrew his beloved Gama-chan wallet to make a bet, giving no consideration whatsoever to the identities of his companions. "This is hot! The only thing missing is some mud for them to wrestle in."

The offensive comment led both Sasuke and Sai, as dutiful spouses, to shoot the obnoxious jinchuuriki a withering glance.

"What?" he defended. "I may be married, but I'm neither blind nor a saint!"

"Naruto-kun!" a new voice called over the squabbling kunoichi and unruly throng. As if beckoned by his misbehavior, Uzumaki Hinata appeared. With difficulty, she maneuvered her way through the crush to reach his side.

Uncomfortably kneading the back of his neck, Naruto gave a noticeably fictitious laugh and greeted his tsuma. "Hinata, what a coincidence running into you here! Are you on your way to the market?"

"What's going on?" she anxiously quizzed, ignoring his address.

"Well, Ino went berserk…"

At that exact moment, Ino and Sakura were rolling on the ground, each vying for dominance. Apparently, by unspoken agreement, chakra was not being utilized. Barbs and buffets were being exchanged but no brain-scrambling on Ino's part and no bone-crushing on Sakura's part, to Hinata's immense relief.

Not really hearing Naruto's explanation, Hinata pushed past him and stammered, "W-we have to s-stop them!"

The byakugan wielder got close enough to grasp an arm, albeit uncertain as to whom it belonged, ere recognizing her mistake. She had failed to account for the elevated strength of two women when infuriated and, rather than draw Ino and Sakura apart, found herself being dragged into the fray. After receiving an unforgiving elbow to the nose and losing a large clump of hair to one particularly vicious tug, she forgot about halting the conflict entirely. Hinata was all in.

For years to come, the village's denizens would fondly recall the day that the head medic for Konoha Byouin, commanding officer for the Torture and Interrogation Force and Hokage's wife, heiress of the staid Hyuuga clan, brawled in the street like common hooligans. The skirmish did not even conclude when a warning crack of thunder rent the air or at any time during the steady downpour that followed.

As the triumvirate grappled in the mud, a select few were so fortunate as to be within earshot of their esteemed Hokage when he shared his opinion on the matter. It was recounted far and wide.

" _Best. Day. Ever._ "

 

 

**Terms to Know:**

Chakra: Basic energy source necessary for ninja to perform jutsu.

-chan: Diminutive suffix, expresses that the speaker finds the person referred to endearing.

Gama-chan: Toad, froggy.

Hokage: Leader of Konohagakure, generally regarded as the strongest person in the village.

Jinchuuriki: Humans that have tailed beasts sealed within them; they exhibit extraordinary powers due to the immense chakra reserves they possess.

Konoha Byouin: Leaf Hospital.

-kun: Suffix used by females when addressing a male that they are emotionally attached to or have known for a long period of time. Also has other meanings, but they are not applicable to this fanfiction.

Kunoichi: Female ninja.

Medical-nin: Ninja who specializes in medical treatment and the use of medical-oriented techniques to heal others.

Obaa-chan: Grandma.

Otto: Husband.

Ramen Ichiraku: Small restaurant in Konohagakure that serves ramen.

Rhombus: A diamond-like mark, generally on the forehead, that indicates the "Strength of a Hundred Seal" (reputed to be the pinnacle of chakra control).

Transformation Technique: A ninja technique used to change one's appearance, such as becoming another person, animal, plant, or even inanimate object. Tsunade uses the technique to appear younger than she really is.

Tsuma: Wife.

Shinobi: Ninja.

-shishou: Master, teacher.


	2. Inojin Outtake

Yamanaka Inojin paused at the entryway and carefully removed his mud-encrusted sandals. He was happy to have just gotten home from a weeklong mission with his teammates, Nara Shikadai and Akimichi Chōchō. While members of the Ino-Shika-Chō trio were close friends, there were only so many conversations Inojin could handle that involved the word "annoying" or pertained to various foodstuffs. He was looking forward to the respite.

"Tadaima!" the youth hailed, walking in the direction of the living room.

"Okaerinasai!" his okaasan returned.

His otōsan peered up from a scroll that he had been reading to acknowledge Inojin's presence with a smile.

Inojin was too distracted by his okaasan to pay any real attention to his otōsan, however. He could not remember one instance of his okaasan being less than exquisite, yet here she now sat with a blackening eye, woefully swollen lip and abundance of scratches. She was an undeniable mess.

"Okaasan, what happened to your face?!" he asked in a panic.

A vein suddenly protruded from Yamanaka Ino's left temple. "It's a wrinkle," she snapped. "Part of the human condition, called aging! How insensitive of the kodomo I raised to point out such a horrible thing!"

Startled at the reprimand, Inojin began to slowly backtrack from the room. Previous experience had taught him that the most fitting way to deal with his okaasan's explosive temperament was to stay hidden until her ire had passed. Defense tended to be the best offense.

Sai, meanwhile, took it upon himself to try and placate his distraught tsuma. "I believe Inojin was merely referring to your injuries, Ino."

This caused his okaasan to go on another tangent. "Naruto, that baka, not letting us heal ourselves as punishment! Telling us to contemplate how our actions reflected on our stations! _Bah!_ Behaving like the Hokage after he got his jollies-"

Making it to the safety of his bedroom, Inojin apprehensively wondered how soon the Ino-Shika-Chō trio would be able to depart for their next mission. The sooner, the better... because his okaasan's rampage did not seem as though it was going to end for quite some time.

 

**Terms to Know:**

Baka: Idiot, fool, stupid.

Hokage: Leader of Konohagakure, generally regarded as the strongest person in the village.

Kodomo: Child.

Okaasan: Mother.

Okaerinasai: Welcome back, welcome home.

Otōsan: Father.

Tadaima: I'm home.

Tsuma: Wife.


End file.
